Why is there always some fat mother fucker standing in front of me at a fast food joint ordering a slab of ribs, extra mild sauce, 2 chickens and a large diet coke!
Why is a priceless object more expensive than something with a price.
Why do people say "It goes without saying" and then they say it anyway.
Why is it that on cooking shows they always say, "Mmm that’s delicious." How come nobody ever says, "This shit sucks! Don’t make this recipe! It's horrible. You might as well taste a cows, raw, herpified ass!" Nobody ever says that.
Why is a "pair" of pants only one thing; but a "pair" of socks is two? Old Navy owes me a fucking pant!
Why is truth a controlled substance?
Why do people ask dumb questions when I call the wrong number? "What number did you call?" I always say "Yours mother fucker. You answered the phone!"
Why do they call it a One Night Stand? Who stands? Shouldn't it be called a One Night Lay? Sometimes a One Night Bend Over, but who is standing?
Why do ugly people give beauty advice?
Why do people wear shorts with a jacket? If it is so cold you need to wear a jacket, then what’s with the fucking shorts? You only get cold above the waist? I don’t understand. That’s like wearing sandals with socks. It makes no goddamn sense!
For more: Crash Test Dummy Asks, "Why?" check out the next issue of the Pomposity Comedy Newsletter.