*Memorial Day joke blatantly stolen from my friend TJ Shanoff.

Check out some of my previous posts:

Weekend Sports Dump
https://steemit.com/sports/@davidpompeii/vzsgjuco

Under the Red Carpet at the Solo: A Star Wars Story premier
https://steemit.com/solo/@davidpompeii/tq4eyrgh

​A Comedy Deconstruction of TV News
https://steemit.com/humor/@davidpompeii/the-real-fakenews-a-comedy-deconstruction-of-tv-news-in-america

In America we keep hearing about Fake News. That is kind of surprising because TV News is entertainment. Take the Naked News from the Naked News Broadcasting Network in Canada.
The Naked News has beautiful women (and some men), stripping nude as they report the latest news, weather and sports. That sure beats the hell out of Wolf Blitzer's tired looking ass.

A Problem with News in the US
The term Entertainment News is an oxymoron, two opposite ideas that are joined together, like Jumbo Shrimp or Empowered Stripper. What's worse, a large portion of our society get their news from comedy shows like The Daily Show or Morning Joe.
​
The Real FakeNews at 11
How about a News show in the US that drops the hypocrisy altogether, and admits that it is an entertainment platform? Let's take a look inside and deconstruct TV News in America!

Jack: Tornados have devastated the midwest and Kellyanne Conway's hair. Hi I’m Jack Goff.
​
Sandy: And I’m Sandy Feet. The latest on Michael Cohen in court, find out what the Judge
            said that's raising eyebrows. And Presidents, Prostitutes and Pee-pee, new revelations
            from  the James Comey book! All that and more coming up on the Real FakeNews Report.
​
Jack: But first, here’s what’s happening in your world, if you happen to live where
​         something happened that was interesting enough to make the show.

(Pause...)

Hi, hi we're your weather girls
Ah-huh
And have we got news for you
You better listen
Get ready, all you lonely girls
And leave those umbrellas at home
Alright
Humidity is rising (uh rising), barometer's getting low (oh low, girl)
According to all sources (what sources now), the street's the place to go (we better hurry up)
'Cause tonight for the first time (first time)
Just about half-past ten (half past ten)
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men (start raining men)
It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men, amen
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet
It's raining men, hallelujah
It's raining men, every specimen
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
God bless…
Look out your window. That’s the weather.

Closing Music Provided By: Disney Studios

Correction
The entire news show has been corrected, we were wrong about everything. In fact everything you see on the News is speculation, guesswork and propaganda with the facts distorted to support our corporate editorial policy. We apologize for the error(s).

Correcting the previous correction: We wish to issue a correction to the previous correction. In the previous correction we stated that we were wrong about everything. We were wrong about that. We were correct about our own names.

Correction of the Previous correction, including the correction before that: Jack Goff and Sandy Feet are fake names.

FADE OUT MUSIC

///////

Check Out My Previous Posts:
https://steemit.com/humor/@davidpompeii/funny-observations-wisecracks-quips-and-commentary-but-no-goddamn-puns

What a farce, so why not take it further? 
​https://steemit.com/humor/@davidpompeii/trump-stormy-daniels-which-president-banged-the-hottest-chicks-and-other-signs-of-the-apocalypse

A new study is reporting that in America, young men are spending more time playing computer games than working. Maybe that’s because young men in America have more Playstations than jobs.

That’s not to say that some of them couldn’t find jobs, if they wanted. But most of the teens I come into contact with don’t want a job. My son won't even walk near anything that looks like work.
Recently my son asked me for $20 so that he could go with his friends to see Black Panther. I told him to get a job. He looked confused. I told him that he is getting to be really expensive. It used to be $5 bucks for a comic book and some candy, now it's $8 for a matinee and $12 for the Smash Burgerafterwards.

I suggested again that he get a job. Maybe he could work 15-20 hours a week after school and on weekends. Then he'd have his own money. The benefits of having your own money are tremendous, I explained. When a new PS4 game comes out he wouldn’t have to wait until Christmas. He could pre-order!
​
But more importantly, If he showed the kind of responsibility that it takes to keep a job, he wouldn't even have to ask me if he could go to the movies. He could just tell me that he's going. I would be okay with it, because he would be showing a high level of maturity and independence. It would prove to me that he is making the jump from boy to young man, kind of like a Klingon Rite of Passage; but without the pain sticks.

An after school job isn't just for money to blow at the mall, I cautioned. It is an investment in one's own future. I looked him in the eye to see if he understood. He looked back at me with a level of confusion I had never seen in another human being. It was like a dog that has just seen another dog on TV for the first time.

At that moment, his Mother walked in with a handful of Black Panther tickets for him and his friends. He jumped for joy and dashed off to his room, gleefully punching buttons on his cell phone.
​
My son learned a valuable lesson that day. As he said later: I should have known not to ask my Dad. His Mom learned something even more important: Kendrick Lamar concert tickets cost about $200.

More Funny Observations, (or at least they are funny to me)

Papa John’s Is No Longer The Official Pizza of The NFL.
I know what you’re thinking. Papa John’s makes pizza?

Smart Toys Are A Danger To Children
I’m guessing it’s because the kid’s self esteem is damaged when they discover that the toy is smarter than they are.

Elon Musk
Said Artificial Intelligence is the most dangerous thing facing the world today.
I have to disagree. No intelligence is the most dangerous thing facing the world today. I prefer any kind of intelligence, artificial or otherwise, over no motherfuckin intelligence at all.

Robots That Cut The Grass
There are robots in Japan that will cut your grass. We have something similar in the US, we call them “Undocumented Immigrants”.

The Latest in The Russia Investigation
Vodka has been linked to a Russian businessman.

The Media as a Watch Dog
The media is supposed to be a watchdog. Now we need a watchdog to watch the watchdog that’s supposed to be watching the dogs.

Ironic Observation of the Week
When the leader of the free world comes to your town, the government restricts your freedom.

A Chinese Satellite is Falling
A Chinese satellite is falling to Earth from space. If any pieces land in the US, Trump will charge a 5% Tariff.

Trade War
In response to US tariffs on Chinese exports to America, the Chinese govt. has raised tariffs on US goods. What does it all mean? When they buy pork, wine or steel from us it will cost them more. When we buy cheap shit from the dollar store that breaks before you get out of the parking lot, it will cost us more. Good luck with that, China.
​
Ancient Native American Petroglyph Defaced
Officials are searching for whoever defaced an ancient Native American petroglyph by etching the names Isaac and Emily on it.

• First, I had to look up the word Petroglyph.
• Second, the primary suspects are probably Isaac and Emily.
• Lastly, I'm guessing it was Isaac. And Emily has already broken up with him.

Check out my previous post, Trump, Stormy Daniels, Which President Banged the Hottest Chicks and Other Signs of the Apocalypse. Click Here: https://steemit.com/humor/@davidpompeii/trump-stormy-daniels-which-president-banged-the-hottest-chicks-and-other-signs-of-the-apocalypse